The Right and The Good

When I am feeling particularly self-righteous, my friend Dave asks me:

“Wesley, would you rather be right or would you rather be happy,” and I’m embarrassed to say that my initial response is usually “Yes.”

This past week, I posted something on social media that I was convinced was “right” (I am sure I am not alone in this).  An acquaintance commented very strongly that they thought my post was inappropriate and offensive. And my first thought was “But I’m right.” People in 12 step recovery often talk about “restraint of pen and tongue,” and I might add, thumbs. Does it need to be said? Does it need to be said right now? Does it need to be said by me?

The gift of social media, especially platforms like FaceBook and X, is that we have immediate and instant access to content and news that even 25 years could have taken weeks to trickle down to us. Actress Carrie Fisher once quipped, “The problem with instant gratification is that it takes too long.” We live in a world where everything can be at our fingertips at Amazon Prime speed. But what do we lose?

I am currently in discernment for priesthood in the Episcopal Church. It’s not a quick fix , fast-track, done deal. It’s a process. In fact, our recently consecrated Bishop ofNew Jersey, Bishop Sally French, has put the entire process on hold while she prayerfully and carefully reviews and considers the steps and procedures that lead to ordination. Now, as a newly minted seminary graduate and your newly employed Lay Pastoral Associate; and as someone who is closer to Baby Boomer than Millennial, I could be anxious and nervous about who what when where and how “my” time will come. Or, I could be appreciative of the opportunity God has given me to more deeply ponder and consider the vocation I truly believe I am called to.  The choice is mine. Which choice will bring me more peace? And more importantly, which choice will make me a better priest?

Every day, we are given the choice between right and happy. And often we don’t even take a breath before we plunge into opinions and arguments that are out of our depth, or nastily debate issues that require far more context and nuance than can be reduced to a 280 character tweet. And I want to be clear that I am not at all saying that we don’t have the right to our beliefs and convictions. Many times we need to forcefully passionately take sides. But when we take the dive into the abyss of our surety, our chances of meaningful conversation and dialogue vanish. Alone in our “rightness.”

Proverbs 17:19 says, “Whoever loves a quarrel loves sin.” And Jesus said, “No one is good—except God alone.” (Luke 18:19).

Oh, and I deleted the post. And apologized. To God be the Glory. 

One in God's Love

Dear Beloved of Trinity Church,  

The world gasped in horror at the images from the most recent outbreak of violence in Gaza. And gasp, we should. Horror is a correct and appropriate response. But what do we do after we  gasp? How do we fully understand the situation? How do we process? How do we respond?  

Politicians will rally their supporters mostly to secure a victory in the next election. Pundits will  offer their “unbiased” insights to enlighten the “misguided.” Preachers will offer prayers and  sermons to appear both pastoral and prophetic. And whether we are consciously aware of it or  not, each of us inevitably will take a side, and then, everything we hear, see, think, and say will  be filtered through our position, “our side,” which is undoubtedly the right side.  

There is no question that the attack by Hamas against innocent people is evil and wrong. Likewise, this does not give Israel permission in the cause of self-defense to do whatever they deem appropriate to crush and destroy the Palestinians. Defending does not mean annihilation. 

The current violence and carnage are as old as humanity. It is another chapter in the ongoing  story of sinful people acting in sinful ways. Broken people acting in broken ways. Traumatized  people acting in ways that traumatize more people. It’s the story of sin and our inability to be fully human, as God intended. And since we cannot live fully into our own humanity in God,  again and again and again, we dehumanize others because we’re scared, insecure, and broken. 

I must now ask myself and us, “What should we do as the people of Trinity Church, as  Christians, and as human beings?” And let me tell you that whatever we do will not be perfect  and, for many, will fall miserably short of their expectations. 

I would, however, like us to gather for a conversation on Sunday, October 22, in Pierce-Bishop  Hall during our Adult Forum hour. We will discuss not just the current issue in Israel and  Palestine but how we live with the atrocities of our world and the atrocities in our own lives. The things we cannot fully understand, the things we will never be able to solve. What does it  do to our souls and our common humanity? How do we resist the temptation to let these  events eat away at our humanity, leading to further dehumanization of the other?  

I am fully aware that there is no way that one forum conversation will be sufficient. Still, I believe it is necessary to take one step, a first step, to find our way to the next step on our journey to healing, redemption, and the fullness of our humanity when we are truly one in God’s love. 

Peace and blessings, 

Paul

It Is Not Good For Us To Be Alone

In response to my recent e-pistle article titled "The Great Dechurching," two parishioners shared with me an insightful piece by Nicholas Kristoff that addresses the pervasive loneliness epidemic not only in America but across the globe.

Loneliness crushes the soul, but researchers are finding it does far more damage than that. It is linked to strokes, heart disease, dementia, inflammation, and suicide; it breaks the heart literally as well as figuratively.

Loneliness is as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes a day and more lethal than consuming six alcoholic drinks a day, according to the surgeon general of the United States, Dr. Vivek Murthy. Loneliness is more dangerous for health than obesity, he says — and, alas, we have been growing more lonely. A majority of Americans now report experiencing loneliness, based on a widely used scale that asks questions such as whether people lack companionship or feel left out.

Our innate need for one another is woven into the very fabric of creation. In Genesis 2, God proclaimed that it's not good for us to be alone. We are designed to live in community, fostering connections with both the divine and our fellow human beings; it's literally in our DNA. Yet, it seems increasingly challenging for people to discover genuine community and meaningful connections.

Early on, some thought that Facebook and other social media would bind us together, but many experts now think these platforms have instead made us more lonely. People look at Instagram feeds and conclude that everyone else is having fun. Meanwhile, time with screens substitutes for time with human beings. All this may help account for the crisis in mental health of young people over the last dozen years. We often think that older people are most lonely, but polls find that young adults are twice as likely as seniors to report loneliness.

The good news is that we possess the ultimate Good News—the Good News of Jesus Christ. Our faith calls us to be part of a community, for we do not lead our Christian lives in isolation but always in relationship with others. In these times, the church is perfectly positioned to offer a remedy to the growing pandemic of isolation and loneliness. We can provide a sense of community and belonging! One of the individuals who shared the article with me rightly stated, "Recently, a Trinity member told me that they come to Trinity for the 'Community,' and the religious services are an added bonus. If I am honest with myself, I feel that way too. I think we should invite people to join the 'Trinity Community,' not just the church services. We should 'Invite a friend to join in our Community.'" 

How true! We aren't merely inviting people to attend a 'service'; we're inviting them to become part of a community, a family. We're inviting them to share in our lives as we wholeheartedly embrace God's love, as revealed to us through Christ. I hope you share my enthusiasm for inviting people to be a cherished part of our Trinity family! It is not good for us to be alone!

Peace and Blessings,

Paul

The Great Dechurching

In the United States, we are currently experiencing the largest and fastest religious shift in the history of our country, as tens of millions of formally regular Christian worshipers nationwide have decided they no longer desire to attend church at all. These are what we now call the dechurched. About 40 million adults in America today used to go to church but no longer do, which accounts for around 16% of our adult population. For the first time in the eight decades that Gallup has tracked American religious membership, more adults in the United States do not attend church than attend church. This is not a gradual shift; it is jolting one. *

Dear Beloved of Trinity Church,

You may read the above selection from The Great Dechurching and find yourself despondent and afraid for the future of the church and our faith. I invite you however to take another look. What this means is that there are people all around us without a church home. When we speak of the dechurched that means people who used to be part of a community of faith, but for some reason, over a period of time, have fallen away from active participation in the church.

I will not go into the myriad reasons that has led to this decline in church participation and affiliation. But rather, I would like to propose that this means that we are living in a time with a great opportunity for growth and renewal. Consistently, the most effective tool in reversing this trend is not a social media presence, not a fancy membership program, not a new church building, but simply the willingness of one person to invite another person to come to church.

“If there is one single application from our research that you walk away with, please let it be this: invite your dechurched friends back to a healthy church with you. But unlike a simple nudge to go back to the gym, we would do well to open the doors of our homes and chairs at our table. We are not just telling them they should go back to church; we are inviting them into our lives, which includes church. Belonging (or lack thereof) is the primary pain point many dechurched feel. Of all the things people said would make them likely to return, this is the greatest felt need” (p.123)

As followers of Jesus Christ, we are called to invite people into our lives! “Church is not an event; it is a family. It not a perfect family, but it is a real spiritual family. We are, in some mysterious way, all grafted into Jesus’ body.” (p.125)

As we begin the new program year, I invite to invite someone to church.  And remember, you are not inviting them to a spiritual or religious event, not inviting them to a building, not inviting them to join a club, you are inviting them into your life, into our family, an imperfect one for sure, but one that is ultimately defined and animated by bondless love of God. Trinity Church is not a building, not program, not service, not a creed. Trinity Church is you and me, imperfect people finding our way together held, sustained, and guided by the love the God.  

I hope you feel that Trinity is truly worth being part of and something worth inviting someone to be a part of.

Peace and Blessings,

* Jim Davis and Michael Graham, The Great Dechurching: Who’s leaving, Why are they going, and What will it take to bring them back? (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2023)

Kick-Off Sunday at Trinity Church

Did You Bring Me Anything?

Greta was understandably delighted to see me again after 11 days away. She asked me if I had brought her anything, and of course I did — a new collar and a chew toy.

As I was preparing to come home, I reflected on the gifts that I had received on my trip too.

When I walked St Cuthbert’s Way in 2015, the image that stayed with me was the path across the tidal sands marked with poles. Vocation — as I often tell folks — is a matter of walking from pole to pole, focusing on the next right step even though the end is hard to see. It was a word I needed as a new priest in the middle of a PhD program, anxious about jobs.

This time, as a more experienced priest in a long-term ministry setting, what struck me were the little markers on the trail. They are not large! And sometimes, like in this picture, they’re hard to notice if you aren’t looking, expecting to find them. This one led between the back of a house and a fence! I almost missed it. The word for me now is LOOK: look for the small signs of God at work, even where you least expect them. God is constantly at work at Trinity Church, and it’s important to constantly look for the markers.

I wanted to virtually share with you two more places that I hope to share with you in person: Little Gidding and Canterbury Cathedral.

An Introduction to Little Gidding

Inside the Church of St. John the Evangelist, Little Gidding

Canterbury Cathedral

A few extra pictures from Canterbury:

Walking the Pilgrims’ Way

Arriving at the West Gate of the city

The Compass Rose is the symbol of the global Anglican Communion

The site of the martyrdom of St. Thomas Becket, where I offered each one of your prayer requests. Thank you for entrusting me with the ministry of intercession.

Another view of St. Thomas’ martyrdom

The steps to the high altar, where St. Thomas’ shrine was located, have been worn down by pilgrims’ feet. It was also traditional to climb these steps on your knees.

Are you ready to look for some signs of God’s work here at Trinity Church? Let’s go!

Yours faithfully in Christ,

The Rev. Cn. Dr. Kara Slade, Associate Rector